the dead mom’s club, four years later

Today marks four years since my Mom, Georgie Hernandez, died peacefully surrounded by her family. You want to know what one of her pet peeves was? She used to HATE when she would read the obituaries and that is all it would say! Even knowing that she was dying, she and I would read them, and she would get all heated and wonder aloud why people didn’t just say how they died. ‘so-and-so fell down the stairs, or it was a car accident or had cancer or COPD or whatever’.

They always left you thinking about the how and not about the who. Well, it left us wondering I guess.

Well I say in honor of my Mom and the life she lived, let’s focus on the who. Us? you say? Who is that?

You know it if you are in it- the dreaded ‘Dead Mom’s Club’

It is a club that you don’t want to be in, but once you are and find other members, there is solace in the comfort that others understand. They won’t feed you bullshit about things getting easier. Yeah, maybe it will. But maybe it won’t. It’s ok if it doesn’t though. It’s ok if you still have grief contractions randomly after four dam years or cry because you can’t tell your Mom about your trip to New Orleans or that Lost is back on tv. They don’t laugh at that, they embrace it. They get it. They understand.

The thing is, if you are not in this club, I don’t want you to be!! But once you’re in. You’re in.

You all know what I’m saying. My fellow DMC members.

So back to the ‘who’ (and I do not mean the Superbowl half time show, I really don’t)

My friend and fellow DMC member, Amy Hammond, actually may be even one of the first people I ever knew whos Mom died way before mine. To be honest, I always saw her differently after knowing that. She made me think about not having my Mom, and it scared me. I am sure I make those of you with your Moms in your lives a little wary- I put it front and center that she may not always be there in your life… I am sorry for that, but also not.

So Amy Hammond told me about a photography project I had to do.

She told me I had to do a portrait study of women who have lost their Moms.

And so I am doing it.

Here we will focus on the who.

Who was your Mom?

My Mom is in me, and even more she is in my daughter Georgie. With her name, for sure but in her sassy attitude even more. I can’t wait for my portrait to be done and to be surrounded by all of my beautiful memories of my Mom.

If you want to be a part of this, please email me and I’ll get you some more info on the idea- and we can start scheduling our shoots- If you haven’t lost your Mom but know someone who has and may be interested in being a part of this project, please pass this post on to them.

(send it to carla@carlateneyck.com)