There is something about an anniversary  that sometimes overshadows everything. Maybe it’s the fact that you know it’s coming, and that you think you are supposed to feel one way or another- depending on if it’a happy or sad anniversary. Dodie and I talk about this a lot and both get a little irritated about the pressure that surrounds the ‘anniversary.’

At exactly 1:30 p.m. today it will be six years that my Mom died. And like every year, I have been dreading this week. But then I got really busy with work and despite trying not to have anything scheduled all week, things came up that I had to be a part of. So I wasn’t allowed to wallow in my misery, like I always plan on. Instead, I got to spend time with many of the people that I love most, doing things that make me happy. I got to do ‘Can you see what I see’ with Georgie before bed and exhaust our tired eyes trying to find the jumping deer and the girl with the goose; Jack and I got to sit and snuggle and talk like adults and have dinner together!! I got to meet and book with three clients at exciting venues and talk about zombies and cpr and laugh and talk about what I do best and how I just love it! I got to celebrate an amazing spread I shot that was published with my industry friends at the Bee and Thistle Inn and listen to a crazy amazing 14 piece orchestra called String of Pearls and laugh and talk about the joys of Makers Mark and basil martinis; I got to teach a workshop with an eager and positive group of ladies while giving our models Brooke and Jeremy wedding pictures that make them so happy; I spent all of yesterday pampering myself at my favorite salon- Dana Bartone and Company- and got my nails done, my hair re-pinked and bangs trimmed up by my super talented friend Catie Bane and splurged on a facial by Nicole that had me snoozing and feeling so relaxed! We ate sushi, and mostly, we laughed. Then I got tricked into going to Nordstrom and buying fancy flats made of Italian leather that make me want to cuddle them at night…. This morning I am meeting Mike, one of my favorite people and having breakfast and catching up about the wedding we are shooting tomorrow, and undoubtedly we will laugh. Tonight Dave and I get to see many of my college friends from RIT- most of us were all in the same photo 1 class with Dan Larkin and have stayed in touch over the years. I have shot all of their weddings and can’t wait to keep the trend going with Schmartin and Pam this weekend. My Mom knew many of them and knew how much I loved and appreciated their friendships.

The one thing I noticed about this week, is that I am living. I am doing what I love, and spending time with the people that mean the most to me. I know my Mom would be proud to see the life I am leading right now, and above all, anniversary or no, this is what I am going to focus on today. I love you Mom, wherever you are!

XO

We all had such an relaxing and amazing time at one of my very favorite places, the Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz NY. What a step into a time warp this place is! I have been thinking about taking my team here since the first time I came with my ladies, Beth and Candice a year back, and was so excited when the stars aligned and we all had the time to make it up together… well minus Erik and Mike (who were dearly missed) We skated (see below) well, I got pushed around in a chair- I am a major ice skating scaredy cat! To be fair, the last time I skated I broke my ankle sooo…. I play it safe and regal and get pushed around like the Queen of England! That’s how I felt anyway…

Dave, who is really our 9 year old son Jack in a 6’1″ man body  most of the time… loves being silly. Here he almost really bit it after faking this fall… I, of course, had to shoot it!

The C10 Studio Ice Capades !!

Katie and Julie were our ice dancers for the afternoon!

The ladies of the studio!! Dave feels left out….and so…. he ices us! Or me!

Dominique comes barreling in on the chair! Watch out ladies!

OK. So if you have ever been to Mohonk then you have been privy to some really amazing old tyme portraits that grace the walls throughout the property. They are absolutely beautiful to look at and so interesting to read the captions of… So we were inspired to create some portraits  that reflected the look and feel of Mohonk… I hope those of you that have seen them agree that they do! Jared, Rebecca’s husband, was a willing subject!

I really could have photographed all day, and it was probably best that we did our portrait session at the very end of our stay…! Otherwise I would have not really relaxed. Once I started shooting I couldn’t stop! Inspiration was around every corner, every little well lit nook, or random second floor balcony!

This red couch was one of many that adorn the halls of Mohonk!

Seriously, this one main hall was such an inspiring place to photograph in. There was light in so many places, and textures and nooks to spare!

You wouldn’t know it was actually quite cold here at this point!

I LOVE these rocking chairs, and have been hoping to work them in since the first time I came here!

This area was a gram slam score of a find! I was inspired and motivated and challenged like I haven’t been in a long time… plus it was like a million degrees there! I pushed  the limits of my camera to 4000 ISO and was sweating to the oldies while standing on chairs and using lenses I hardly ever use… yea, it was a nerdy photographer’s dream!

I can’t decide which treatment I like more, the color or the black and white…

BLAH!!!!! (that’s my freak out noise!)

Still keeping things stern… are my BFF Dominique and her husband Rick! Bringing it back 50′s style!

As Dave would yell…. CHECKERS!!!!!!

Nothing like a pipe and a fire! Or schmoke and a pancake!

Dominique, Rick, Jazzy, Jue, Slatie, Dave, Becs and Jared … thank you so much for such and amazing three days, it was exactly what my heart and soul needed!!! I love you guys!!

XOXOXO

Let me flash back here for a sec. Growing up I always thought I had less than most, and the reality is I did. As an adult I can honestly say that I was not really looking at the world that I lived in with the right eyes. You know those movies that you see or books that you read where the main character is poor but got a heart of gold? That despite the odds she was a caring, selfless and wonderful person? If I’m being really honest, that was not me. I had friends who had more than me, and that was all I saw. I was embarrassed by the cars my parents drove (a yellow Gremlin. Seriously. Come ON Dad! A brown Dodge van with maybe one seat? Well definitely two in front anyway) What I didn’t see was well, at least we had cars! Yes I had 8 siblings, and we were a rag tag crew fo SHO! But we were surrounded by energy and life and most importantly, love. We got to see how much my Dad loved his art and his music by his art openings where we would walk around like we were celebrities for the night because, dude, that was MY DAD that was the artist in celebration for the night! It was a huge deal. And if I am comparing experiences, I don’t know anyone else that had that experience growing up. Or being able to see my MOM on TV back when it was like, the coolest thing ever!! She was being featured on a local news morning talk show for the pinatas she made. We were so excited we took pictures of the TV because we couldn’t record it- I don’t think VCR’s were invented yet. Yep. I am O-L-D right there. Just proved it! That was pretty special.

So flash forward to present day 2012, where I now live in the home that used to bring me such angst-y teen feelings of shame and embarrassment… and now this amazing place that I live is my home and my studio. It’s home to my sweet, insightful and quirky little family. Now I am the one having art shows, and teaching workshops while my kids bounce in after school and join in the critiques. Where seeing a huge mob of bee-tographers in the studio is nothing new, no big whoop. My kids see my work in magazines, hear my name on the radio and think I am FAMOUS! They google me at school for their computer classes and it’s like, dude, that is my MOM. I am smiling as I write this, because to me, it is no biggie. No big whoop. But funny to think about through the eyes of a kid, much like how I thought about my parents and their artistic accomplishments.

So today I share in my accomplishments with those that have helped me get where I am today. For me, my success barometer is not gauged by how much money I make (I have pretty much no idea… not kidding!) It’s surprising to hear that I am not motivated by money for myself- contrary to most people that grew up with not a lot of money… but it’s true. To me, it’s giving back. It’s treating people to lunch, or a surprise trip! I honestly feel a rush when I can give to others, it really fills my heart, even the smallest gestures. So this week I am taking my whole studio (minus Mike and Erik because they have to work their other jobs sniff sniff) and their spouses to one of my most favorite places to relax and escape. We are all giddy with excitement and have been texting each other non stop like it’s Christmas! It’s pretty absurd! But this, to me, is full circle.

Taking care of those who have taken care of me. And the tree was happy. XO

This is my Dad’s mural that currently hangs in Hartford City Hall. So super proud of it, every time I see it I burst with pride that MY DAD did that. Pretty powerful and amazing!!

 Here is my Mom checking out her quilt hanging in the Phoenix building in Hartford. DAM I look so much like her!!!!

 My mudder, on TV!! She was so beautiful!! Tivo WHAT!!! This was our Tivo fools, taking pictures of the Tee Vee!

I have been thinking long and hard about doing a video on the studio, to show what we are all about without being too melodramatic or taking ourselves too seriously whilst straddling that very fine line of not being too unprofessional in the process! It’s a thin, badly drawn line at times for us photographers and we have all been known to dilly dally around it what with having access to so much of our personal lives online, via Twitter, Facebook and peeking old school into my windows! See, my thing has always been, love my work, love me, and we will make sweet sweet music together! Yet I struggled with exactly how to show the fun side of us, and the sweet side, the sentimental side, and my smooth dance move side? My I love my team and my family side, and my home, and my mom’s rose bushes and all of my favorite vendors side. All of it is me, all of it is us. And so, Enter the amazing Jim Altieri of Vintage Cinema, and my bff and studio manager Dominique. And Ke$ha. Or as James Van der Beek says ‘K-E- dollar sign- HA’ Check the video here. (it’s listed on my site right under my picture it’s called ‘studio video’)And don’t take it too seriously, just laugh at how foolish we all look, and at how much fun we all had making it! It’s actually fun to watch Ke$ha’s video “Tik Tok’ before and then watch ours to see the similarities!!

So we set up this whole wedding for the video, and then my great friend Beth Chapman of The White Dress by the Shore asks me if we are going to stop in the middle of filming and renew our vows. Huh? Are we? Aren’t we? Well, it seems like common sense when it was asked out loud, right? And so, not even 3 weeks after the initial wedding idea -yes, you heard right- we planned this ALL in less than THREE WEEKS!!! .. .Dave and I renewed our vows in front of friends and family in our back yard! On one of THE hottest days ever in June. It was June 9th to be exact- and there was the craziest storm ever (or what would start the trend of crazy storms this summer!) that day! Temps hit over 100 degrees!

Here is me washing up after shooting our first part of the video, where we have to look like we just woke up after a night of craziness….

*photo disclaimer here: for my wedding part our official photographer was the super amazing Sara Code Kroll of Growing Tree Photographer, now located in PA! She has been an unofficial part of my studio family from the beginning and I couldn’t think of anyone better than Sara to catch the spirit of our team, since she was such a big part of it!! We just LOVE her eye, and her spirit and miss her so terribly now that she has moved! Sara, I can’t thank you enough for doing this for the studio, but also for me and Dave. It means so so much to have these images of my family, my friends and more importantly of my love. I look through these images and am so moved, even now, almost 6 months later.

Since most of the guests here were photographers we asked them to bring their cameras, however- this whole project was TOP SECRET!! So while they were coming to a party here, they did not know what it was until they showed up! I love surprises!! I tried my best to credit everyone properly ,as there were many, many of CT’s most talented photographers who contributed images to my cache of images: Mike Romano- one of my favorite photographers and people in the world!!! And my crew of super talented ladies-Katie Slater, Jasmine Balgobin, Julie Morawski all of Carla Ten Eyck,  Rebecca Hales of Hales Studio, Renee Descoutures, Eric Langlois of RAW Photo Design, Anthony DeCarlo of DeCarlo Photo, Paul & Krystal McNerney of Studio Foto, Danielle Fuller of Beyond the Lens… thank you all so, so much from the bottom, top, middle and sides of my heart!!!!

And, this is THE biggest blog post in the world!!!! It’s BIG BIG BIG…. to go with how full my heart feels, and how happy I am, and what a great year I have had. Thank you for taking the time to look through this…!

Catie Bane of Dana Bartone and co, my girl, my sweet sweet friend and stylist did the honors on me! Catie is responsible for my pink hair as well… she is a master!

Love this!

Miss Julie was getting all dolled up by the talented Miss Lauren Perry of Dana Bartone!

It’s like The Wizard of Oz here when the lipstick goes on… my favorite part!

Ta-DA!

Dave and I decided to do a first look in our front yard- since the back yard was still getting all done up for our ceremony etc…. we opted to have everyone there with us on the porch but still felt like we were all alone!

Mike and Sara tag teamed this- I love both of their perspectives!

But mostly? I love how Dave keeps his hands firmly behind his back!! What’s up Mr. Ten Eyck!!

I can’t tell you how much I love my dress. I emailed Beth and described this- tea length 3/4 sleeve and she immediately said SIRI!!!! I look and feel like Oprah!!

A favorite. Makes me all teary! Dave and Georgie have been dancing like this forever- they call it Giant Steps…

Sara’s take!

Hey Datura!!!! Tony created all of the floral art for our day… it was so amazing!

Enter: our moody son!!

Now you KNOW I had to shoot even though it is my vow renewal…. please!!

The amazing drift wood tables, couches and lanterns were all by our buddies Erik and Christen at Ryan Designs in Rhode Island! We just adore them so much!!!

Our friend Barbara Foley of Perceptions Jewelry in Rhode Island created all of my maids’ jewels for our shoot!!!

I sweat my back yard so much….!!!! and all of these amazing people! All of these maids dresses were courtesy of The White Dress by the Shore!!

That Nikon there was my college workhorse at RIT…ah the Nikon FM!

Candice set up our table with things that we had- my china from our wedding, cameras that I have, our silver… Renee got this amazing shot of Jack after he pepped up!

Our boys. Now, Erik aka Easy E was having a baby that week so we knew he and Jen couldn’t make it so we planned ahead and ordered a cardboard cutout of him so that he could be there in paper spirit! He is now still in the studio aptly named aper Erik.

I shot some details the day after, since we had the storm of all storms and our ceremony was rained out!!!

I used my Mom’s old dress form and put my dress out by this mimosa tree that my Mom had been trying to get to live for years… it is now thriving in our back yard

My Badgley Mischka flip flops were perfect- dressy-ish casual with color and style! On my favorite CT pillow courtesy of uncommongoods.com

Our favors were handmade by my hauntie Donna- her almost famous pepper jelly!!!

Queen Anne’s Lace, peonies and garden roses. period!

We set up the altar table again the day after and I shot it… it was set up as a dessert table / day of the dead altar / table that had people that I love on it and wanted to honor! My family and my studio!

Cupcakes by Hope at A Little Imagination Cakes!! She is AMAZING!!!!!!

This picture is my Mom holding me on the day I was born.

The Wonder Woman and Batman pez were our original wedding cake toppers!! Right near a shot from our big exit from our wedding almost 13 years ago! By the amazing Jaime Greene!!

We decorated a blue atlas cedar tree- the very type of tree that I gave Dave as our wedding present- he gave me a mountain bike… yes we bought what we wanted LOL!! The words are all things that contribute to a successful marriage! yes, RODNEY!!!! Our cat, he really helps.

This now iconic image by the dope Sara!! We have used this for all of our print ads this year!!! There is a sneaky little element here… see if you can find my guy Jack in here!!!!!

Giving Mike the stank eye as per usual!!!

head piece by The White Dress by the Shore!!

This makes me heart ache!!!!

Dave made this swing just for our vows…. sadly, this tree has since been knocked down from the various storms we have had this year- I only saw this yesterday and it made me so sad! But not us, we are still standing tall! ish.

This is my BACK YARD!!! I love it. And that husband of mine too… he is something else!

You can see the mad scramble to cover everything with tarps!! There is a storm a brewin!!!!

We didn’t forget about jack… he was still a little moody…

So we wanted to wait it out, but our officiant aka another bestie Susannah who read at our first wedding- had to go- so we made it happen on the porch!!!! It was so perfect!!

I love these crowd shots- I didn’t see anyone but Dave the whole time it was great to see where everyone was!!

paper Erik!

This shot was by Eric Langlois of RAW Photo Design! These marked as mine are all a mixture of all of the above mentioned photographers!!! DeCarlo, Danielle, Studio Foto

Dave took charge and said since I am always in charge he would like to go first! Got a rousing laugh from everyone for sure

I was a total sap when reading my vows. We have had quite a ride… and thinking about what to say to someone who I have been with for almost 15 years… it’s pretty deep when you stop and think about who we were then and who we are now. I thought about the man he was back then and the man he is now, and can I just say he gets better with age. He loves his family so much. We are so lucky to have him in our lives and now a part of the studio! I love how my sweet son is there, comforting his mama while I struggled to read my vows…

Amongst the sweetness there were some jabs on his obsession with organic food and… the Central CT Snow Snakes!!!!

These two shots were by Anthony DeCarlo… love them!

We had pizza trucks!!!!! So perfect for our vibe, and so yummy!

The only big bummer was this big tree that fell on Susannah’s car as she ran off to a graduation!!!! I told you the weather got crazy!

Ok. We had a fog machine… that SOMEONE (mary Altieri) got a little buck wild with!!!!!!! Set off the fire alarms n stuff. It was epic!

And then the rain cleared up…. and we headed back outside!!

While finishing up filming, and dancing and eating and having fun!

DANCE PARTY!!!!!

Miss Krystal preggo with Miss Penny!!!

My second, by main red bearded friend, Mike!!!

Catie Bane’s little lady Arianna…. !!

Dave and the Ryan’s probably talking about surfing

Photos by Krystal!!

I love this shot that Krystal took of us!!!!!!

love times one million

Yes. It was still 100 degrees and yes Georgie has on flannel jammies!!!!

Eric Foley acting a fool… like always!!!

Thank you for reading this, and looking at these pictures. They are so personal, and make me so happy. I am so so happy to finally share them with everyone and tell my story…! I can’t thank everyone enough for all of their time, energy, love and patience in doing this. Mostly Dave. Thank you for standing by me, and for weathering our storms and being the better couple because of it. Thank you for supporting me and my crazy career choice / love…. thank you most of all for being the best father in the world to our children!!!

XOXOXO

Credits:

video: Jim Altieri of Vintage Cinema

photography: Sara Code Kroll of Growing Tree Photography

beauty: Dana Bartone and Company

wedding dress: Siri courtesy of The White Dress by the Shore

bridal jewels: custom made by  Aquinnah 

brides maids dresses: The White Dress by the Shore

floral art: Tony Palmieri of Datura a Modern Garden

coordination: Candice Coppola of Jubilee Events

cupcakes: Hope Wright-Martell of A Little Imagination Cakes

lanterns, couches, tables: Ryan Designs

maids jewels: Barbara Foley of Perception Jewelry

flower girl dress: The White Dress by the Shore

Carla’ shoes: Badgley Mischka

CT Pillow uncommongoods.com

additional photographers: Hales Studio, RAW Photo Design, Beyond The Lens, Studio Foto, DeCarlo Photo

So who else was in on this trip, you ask? We had one of my oldest friends Susannah, plus my BFF / studio manager Dodie and her family,The Acostas and their crew, The Fullers and their kinfolk, Jazzy! And rounding it out nicely with the Altieri’s! What a brood of people all scrambling to get the earliest ferry over (stressFUL!) and stuffed into a house together with kids ranging in age from 2-14!

Now. The only downside to this trip that still brings a big fat knot in my stomach is that this is where we lost our beloved little blankie. Moment of silence. Yes. We all still cry over it. OK maybe not Dave…

The best part, and the part that makes me so happy to think about and look at? This is where my friends here found the world’s biggest field of queen anne’s lace. BIGGEST. Like a football field x 10 biggest! With the sun setting right over it!! My version of heaven. If I am ever in duress? This is the place I will think of to bring me back to a spot of peace and happiness! After going through the pictures again, I had to post them here- and tried my best to properly credit them! Those without a branding bar were shot by the fabulous Danielle Fuller- the rest were me and Crista Acosta, and they are appropriately named…. thank both of you ladies so, so much for these absolutely amazing pictures of my family!!

Can you see how BIG this field is???

One of my favorite pictures of GiGi ever.. omg. Can she be any more of a cute little girl with her scrabbly braids???

There was a little breakin’ n poppin going on…

There are so many women I know that would not like this picture. All they can see is every flaw, how my pink is faded and my roots are coming in, I have like three chins and some back fat for good measure. Me? I don’t see any of that. Mostly because I liquified some of it, mostly because all I see is me and my boy Jack Bibbs. Doing our full on snuggle. The snuggle where he is still 8 and isn”t embarrassed to show his mom some mad love in public!

Mira!

The Menemsha Redemption! Let me tell you a little story. If you ever, EVER want to see the sunset in Menamsha, you better go EARLY like at noon- and stake out a spot. There is parking for only like 4 cars for MILES and it gets super crazy!! This was the only source of stress for us on our trip- and I will leave it at that, DAVE! Here’s Dodie and her family!

Ahhh… being a teenager again! These kids are the spitting images of their parents!!

Making fun of Rick here… it was great!

During our shoot the dock here started to fill with water, it was so weird!!

Meet… the Fullers!!! Christian just got tagged by that last wave, it was awesome!!

Some of the kid crew… there were more!! One representative from each family!

The pied piper at work! Cornhole!!!!!!!!!!

and no vacation is complete without a little yaaaachhheeesssiiieeee!!!!!

The only adult crazy enough to get in with all the kids!

These next few unmarked shots were Danielle’s!!

Can’t wait for the many vacations we have lined up this year- some with the kids, some without…. this year is gonna be the craziest travel year yet!!!!

But.

We had no plans to do any part of our editorial shoot here. We have a tightly packed schedule with little to no room for any squiggle room. So the idea of even shooting our model here is not even in my brain, because we truly have no time to.So why even think it?

But.

I sigh in my brain and wish we were shooting here later, and just keep snapping my detail shots. Taking in the texture, the faded colors, the hibiscus tree. The dogs.

Until all I talk about is this surf shop. With the enthusiasm I tend to show every now and then…. It’s ‘Dude.’ this and ‘Whaaaaat.’ that. I’m pretty sure I am making everyone sick with it. So then on our way to another part of the shoot we make a rash and potentially costly risk- we decide to drive the other way from where we are supposed to be and head towards the surf shop to shoot our model Michelle before we show up at our other rain forest location. Tricky business, right? But man. Am I SO glad I did. I took some of my favorite shots here that I have ever taken in my life. Paired with the extreme heat and the rush of having NO time to do this was absolute, pure bliss. My best work is made this way, under the gun, total hurry hurry hurry oh my god we gotta  GO type of situation. Which leads me to this.

Ultimately, having patience, and knowing when to just say screw it and forge ahead can be a tricky thing to balance. Here I am at our first shoot, minus my pink hair for a spell, hurrying. And sweating. A lot! Being risky. Saying screw it.

We had Tony’s (of Datura A Modern Garden)  amazing bouquets on site so we had nothing here of his, which was the biggest bummer. Instead I picked a hibiscus from the bush for a pop of color here. I love this picture so much, and am so happy to finally be able to share it! Dress courtesy of Bath Chapman of The White Dress by the Shore, coordination by Candice Coppola of Jubilee Events!

And then. This spot spoke to me from the corners and I heard it so clearly… and Michelle heard it too! Amazing beauty by the equally amazing DD Nickel.It was like 100 degrees here with 100% humidity. Does Michelle look sweaty? Nope!

Which brings me full circle to here. The being patient part. The hoping I will make it back there to shoot a real wedding. These images of Mandi and Dan are  from this Friday- our 11-11-11 wedding in Costa Rica. And Dan is a surfer… so naturally  I had to come back to my spot. And Pico, who owns it was super generous and in pure ‘pura vida’ style opened his place to us again. ‘My house is your house.’

These two are cracking up at what a spaz I was being about this smoky crazy light. Properly called: chicken light. While we were shooting some of the guys threw some meat on the grill and cooked their lunch. The courtyard filled with smoke and the smell of grilled meat. Paired with the crazy light? Chicken. Light. !! BOOM.

Yeah. Mandi and Dan had modeled for me many a time back in the states so to shoot their actual real life wedding was a bit surreal. During their first look? I cried like a huge baby. Sobbed. Almost couldn’t gain control. This is how much I adore them! Yes, Jim has video, oy.

Just had to share. And to get you all to learn to listen to your gut. Screw it? Or be patient? Only you know, and sometimes you will be wrong! But sometimes…

Today would be my Mom’s 65th birthday. She loved birthdays while we were little and always put so much effort into our cakes and our backyard parties! I am filled with such great birthday memories, thanks to her! So in honor of my Mom, who was the champion of the underdog like crazy… and who also loved an unsung good deed, I am going to out one of my favorite people and let her know that she has done the most kind thing for me in my whole life. Ever.

To prep: I am not going to totally out this person, because in knowing her, I know she would be super shy about it, and most likely would not want the unwanted attention of people knowing how incredibly thoughtful and kind she was. I will call her B. Those of you who know me will be able to figure out who she is, because she is one of my o.g. besties Mom. So some anonymity. But not entirely, sorry!

While my Mom was wasting away in the hospital for years she got few visitors. Our family visited as much as we could, of course, but for people outside of our immediate family there were very very few people who took the time to go in and see how she was doing. B would ask me regularly how my Mom was. Her Mom was also sick, and so we had this sick Mom connection, this sad point of understanding that once you have, you appreciate. But you don’t want it.  B would not only go in and visit my Mom, she would bring in her favorite books to share with my Mom, who, like me, was an avid reader. She appreciated that  so much, I am not sure B even knows. I actually still have a book that B loaned my Mom- Yellow Raft in Blue Water I think it is called. It sits on my shelf, waiting to be returned. But I am slow to do it. It was one of the last books my Mom read, and she loved it. I have not read it yet, nor have I returned it. But I will.

While my Mom was in the hospital I was pregnant with my daughter, who Dave and I decided to name in honor of my Mom. Georgie. What a special name for a little girl. I had no idea how fitting this big name would be for my Georgie, holy smokes. I knew that my Mom would not be able to be there for the birth, tho we would talk longingly about her being there. ‘Maybe, if you get out you can be in the room’ we thought. So optimistic! Sadly, that was not meant to be, and we were both really sad about it.

Georgie’s birth comes about and she was delivered in about 3 pushes! Viola. Here I am, let’s cuddle! Afterwards, Susannah came in for a visit and waited until we were alone for a bit. She sat down and said something to the effect of how she is about to give me something that is going to make me very emotional, and she is sorry, but she has to.  She then hands me a beautifully wrapped gift and card. They are from my Mom. My Mom, stuck in a hospital with no place to get anything. B had gone in and knowing G’s room fairy theme bought two beautiful wood fairies and a card for my Mom to write to me. I bawled like a crazy person when I read this card. Half of which doesn’t make sense, as she is oxygen deprived. But this sweet card, and this even sweeter gesture leaves me reeling far longer than just that afternoon. It is something I have never, nor will I ever, forget. I think about it every day. A small gesture to B, most likely. She is just that kind of thoughtful person. It made a huge impact on me, and how I think of others. How small, simple freedoms like not being hospital bound and able to drive and do things for others can truly impact how others view life. But also that she knew how a daughter would want her Mom there with her in the hospital, as she gave birth to her own daughter.

For my Mom’s 5 year anniversary I decided to do something to memorialize her. A tattoo seemed like the way to go, and my older sister Tere had the brilliant idea to take my Mom’s signature, and in her own writing, have it tattooed on her wrist a few years back. I saw that and immediately felt like I had to have that too. So I waited a few years. At her 5th I asked Tere if she minded if I got one too, but from a card that my Mom had written to me. Now me and my two older sisters all have my Mom’s signature on our wrists. A place where we can see it every day, and remember her.

Mine is from my Mom’s signature from the card that B got for my Mom. Thank you B, so, so much from the bottom of my very full heart… I cannot tell you how much your small gesture meant to me, and will continue to mean to me! I am so lucky to be able to see this reminder every day..!

XOXO

It’s after 11 p.m. and after a full day of teaching a workshop, video chatting with prospective clients, and editing, I am still sitting here. I missed dinner! … but more importantly I missed bed time. I sat here and worked. What the hell is wrong with me? This month has been flat out bat shit crazy for me, yes. Before you judge my workaholic ways too harshly…to be fair, I have cut back on frenzied work schedules these past few years and made room for some major C10 family time. We have taken many a vacation and relaxed like it was our jobs!

The shot I have posted here I took on one of the best vacations on Martha’s Vineyard I have ever taken with some of the most amazing people ever. After summers of searching for a field of queen anne’s lace I hit the motherlode. Thanks to some vigilant friends (you know who you are) they showed me this monstrosity of a field and we hit it up at the most golden of hours. I was in such a space I don’t think I could have enjoyed it more if I tried.

What I love most about this picture- besides it being a picture of my two most favorite people on the planet- was that here I felt surrounded by my Mom on all fronts… the flowers, yes. But the light? Holy smokes right? And the energy, and being surrounded by some of my besties and my main squeeze… everyone all giddy because it was like some kind of photo treasure hunt for me and man did we hit the freakin’ jackpot!

This is what I want to come back to and think about. These people. This place. This light!

The weddings will get edited (I have an amazing team here) workshops will be taught, meetings will be run, clients will be met. It will all happen. But for now, bed. I gotta go snuggle my little people like crazy, and whisper to them how much I love them.

Welcome to our new and improved and WAY better to look at studio blog!! It’s been a long time comin’ to say the least- and we all couldn’t be happier with the way everything turned out. I have been wanting to change things up for almost two years and when I thought about who I would love to have a major hand in the way everything looked the choice was clear: my good friend, past client and super duper talented designer lady friend Nichole Michel of Coral Pheasant! I had no kind of eyes for anyone else, I just crush so hard on absolutely everything this talented lady designs- so when I asked her if she would hook up the C10 studio with an overhaul and she said yes? Well, I was one very happy lady!!

The next round of thanks goes to my husband Dave for being my web task master and tirelessly working through the many (many, MANY) revisions and whims of one crazy boss lady (yes, me)! Dave teamed up with our friend and fellow Central CT Snow Snaker Ginger – our Word Press Smarty Pants guru. Man, this lady knows her stuff! And lastly, big techie shout out to the Coding Heads from the UK way- way to code it up for me!!

Now some housekeeping! One of the hallmarks of our studio is letting every photographers own voice be heard and what better way to do this for them, and you. How? To see only Erik’s blog posts, just click on his picture up top! Same thing for me, Julie, Katie and The Team! Jazzy and Dave will have some posts heading our way and are featured under the ‘Team’ badge. To get back to the main page just click on the home button up top!

***

Now here is what I wanted to be the real first official post partnered with the new look of the site…So things are changing here and not only with the look of the studio blog (which finally can showcase Miss Julie, YAY) but with the way we are tightening up our studio systems and improving the way we do things for our clients. It is all good, and we are all embracing it wholeheartedly.

Some of you know last April my husband Dave was unexpectedly laid off from a job he had for 6 years. It came as a complete and total shock to us both. See, Dave is a dream employee. He is incredibly hard working, and loyal. But most importantly he is so positive. It’s almost annoying! Now, I was of the belief that if I worked with my spouse we would be pretty much buying a one way ticket to divorce court! Seriously! Some of you out there know what I’m saying. We tried sort of working together early on in my career and it didn’t really work, to say the least. So we both never really thought it was an option to think about it again. Until last April, when out of necessity we made it work. Well, we didn’t have to try very hard- because Dave jumped in with all his appendages and tackled his new job with excitement and a positive attitude.

After Steve Jobs passed last week I, along with many others, watched the commencement speech he gave at Stanford and really heard what he said about loving what you do. I sure know that I love what I do, but what about everyone that works with me? (insert many jokes here Mike, go on) I wanted to make sure that everyone was happy and challenged and felt like they had a creative outlet. Most importantly I wanted everyone to feel appreciated. Enter: the C10 Studio Employee of the Month!!

So every month now we will all write in and nominate who we think is the most deserving of this honor- and honor it is- this team is one hard working group!

Here is what some of my peeps had to say about the winner:

“I think he has such a positive attitude and has really added a lot to the team. He is also really good at keeping us focused when we are being dumbasses. “

“I elect Dave. He is new to the studio and has taken his job very seriously and with lots of enthusiasm. I appreciate having him as a production manager and keeping such good track of things. But most of all he has to put up with all of us women. And for that he deserves a butt load of dark and stormies.”

“I’m nominating Dave.He’s a very hard worker and so easy to get along with. So willing to pitch in and help out when needed and eager to learn new and efficient ways to improve things around the studio. Dave has jumped in and is totally on

board with doing anything that will improve and make Carla Ten Eyck

Photography better.”

“My vote is for……. DAVE! My reasons……..he has to work for his wife, ’nuff said!!!!!!!”

There was one vote for our cat Rodney (Mike!) which was discounted. The chad was still hanging on that one!!

Dave. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only working with me but with as much enthusiasm and positive energy as you have. It means the world.

Can we say nepotism! Can’t wait to see who steps it up for next month’s…!!

XOXO

Last week we lost blankie while vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard. It seems so… permanent. She is gone forever. I am so devastated. See, I bought blankie for my little girl Georgie before she was born. This blankie was a bit of a place holder at that point. See, in my eyes I thought she would be temporary until I could make her a blankie myself. You know, with all of my free time being a new mom to my second child.

What I didn’t realize then was that there wouldn’t come a time for me to make that blankie that would end up being her official Blankie. And so seven years later, almost to the day, Georgie had (what I thought was) her temporary blankie as her official Blankie. If it wasn’t broke, right?

I know there are parents that get the whole blankie and ba ba thing. Ba ba is Jack’s stuffed dog that is his LOVE. Blankie was that for Geeg. Now that she is gone I am devastated. I have held it in all week and not cried or broken down in front of anyone, I actually can’t believe I haven’t! Well. Until now. I am sobbing as I write this, mourning the loss of what I feel was THE symbol of my daughter’s love for her entire life so far.

Yes, I refer to her as a person, as a ‘she’ even like she was a person. She was. She was a very huge part of my family for seven years. She was here when my Mom was alive, when she died. And after. My Mom met blankie. We would have talks about how I used to have a blankie too. How I loved the satiny edges, just like Geeg does. How I would rub the soft, slippery edging between my fingers. Geeg has a special way of folding her edges three times and then rubbing the edge against her lips. It soothes her.

Leaving that island, knowing that blankie was not with us was heartbreaking. Yes, I am still holding out hope that she got squirreled away into someone else’s luggage… but that is a very distant hope.

The bright side? There are two things. One, I am so happy that I made Jack and Georgie pose for me last winter with blankie and ba ba after the first of many of our snow storms this winter. So I have a portrait of their childhood as they were, still needing the reassurance of their loves at night, and not feeling silly about still needing them and trying to grow up too fast.

The second thing is that I finally got to make my daughter the blankie that I was always too busy to make. With the help (and sewing machine and expertise) of my very dear friend Danielle… we made Blankie Two in one evening of sipping wine and watching Mystery Science Theatre 3K with her family while our little ones ran amuck. It was one of the best and most important nights a Mom can have. Danielle knew. And I knew. And I didn’t cry then. But boy am I making up for it now, in spades!!

And yes. I know it is just a thing. And there are bigger things to lose, like those you love most. Believe me, I know.

But my heart is still broken for my little girl and her lost blankie, and I felt the need to write it out. Thanks for reading and listening.

XO